For most of my many summers living in New York City, I never went to the beach. Year after year, I’d see photos of my friends spending their weekend afternoons schlepping to Riis beach or the Rockaways and feel not even the slightest pang of jealousy.
Well folks, this is it. I now find it difficult to even remember the origins of Shade Court, though I do clearly remember, like many things in my life, it was born out of my frustration. Frustration at watching publication after publication misuse this wonderful, beautiful word and all the rudeness and arrogance it…
Things change and yet nothing changes, huh? Donald Trump is still president. Pete Souza still is not throwing shade. My brain hasn’t fully oozed out of my ears yet from being inundated with lies and stupidity and the truly asinine on a minute-by-minute basis. And of course, I’m here to bring to the smallest bit of…
It is officially summer. You probably already knew that and I’m not sure what you’ll do with that information if you didn’t but I felt it needed to be said. This means we’re almost halfway through 2017 and I plan on spending the next few months preserving my strength so I can make it over the finish line. Let’s see…
As it turns out, the LA County courts absurdly do not recognize my judgeship and time serving this illustrious court. However, as soon as I started opening my mouth, neither the plaintiff nor the defendant wanted anything to do with me, so here we are. The scales of justice, folks!
How is it that even during this truncated week, it still feels like the longest week ever? Oh yeah, because the leader of our country is torturing us and everyone is losing their goddamn mind.
Although I tried to avoid it, there is a lot of Trump in shade court this week. At a certain, point, I just had to lean into it and at least try to enjoy witnessing this man’s humiliation, made all the more humiliating by the fact that he doesn’t realize the entire world is laughing at him. I guess that makes me feel…
Hey, has anyone else had a problem keeping their brain matter from oozing out of their ears and nose over the past few days as your body suffers a physical response to the demise of American democracy as we know it? Anyone?
Hello all, are you tired? I am TIRED. Justice is a difficult road and some people just will not let me have a moment of rest. And yet, here I stand—like Lady Justice, except I also covered my ears because I really can’t listen to all this nonsense either.
Though I love my job as the overseer of this high and judicious court, I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been considering a career change. I’ve been playing with the idea of swapping out this seat for one in another court. A court with a jurisdiction over, say, a few members of Congress so I can one day have the joy of…
Apropos of absolutely nothing, I’ve been having an extremely frustrating denim experience. I recently ordered a new pair of jeans in the same size and cut that I’ve purchased three previous times. When they arrived, the jeans didn’t fit. I returned them and reordered another pair. Then I ordered a second pair and…
A mischievous young shit-starter called into Watch What Happens Live! on Sunday for the express purpose of asking fashion icon André Leon Talley (ALT) to choose between Naomi Campbell and Tyra Banks.
You have my advanced apologies this week for including so many images of terrible men who look like infected stubbed toes. Not a lot I can do about that.
Hopefully everyone who read Shade Court last week is still alive and back again today. If that’s the case, it’s good news because it signifies A) we haven’t been bombed into a nuclear holocaust by North Korea and B) I don’t want to tempt fate by bragging about any additional good news so let’s just stop there.
Citizens, let me remind you that even your own Judge Brown is not immune to her civic duties. I spent the morning at jury duty unable to try these important shade cases until later than usual. But I have returned and am back to slowly cranking this equally important wheel of justice.
A new month is upon is, I can almost smell the warm summer air and yet for some reason, retailers are trying to sell me velvet sundresses. Now that we’re on the subject of ridiculous things, let’s go to court.
It’s amazing what a nice meal and witnessing the most humiliating moment of Paul Ryan’s life can do for your spirit. Today is a good day and I’m ready for some shade justice.
I haven’t checked, but I’m almost certain Shade Court is the only branch of government still standing. If that’s the case, hi, I’m in charge now. This is the new national anthem, healthcare is free, I’ve sent Paul Ryan to Cuba and jalapeño poppers can now be used as currency. This is Judge Brown’s America.
Well folks, we made it to another Friday. As usual, it felt like it took approximately four-and-a-half months to get here but here we are, nonetheless.
I have a head cold and a racist Keebler elf crossbred with a lying troll is still the Attorney General of the United States. HOW’S YOUR WEEK BEEN?